Island Cotton Socks

I know I've already asked this but i don't think anyone read the synopsis! Oh and im 13

Synopsis:

That summer change my life. For the better? I’ll let you decide.

Alex Coley had experienced love and its consequences. After her father died she never wanted to love somebody so much again. But when her mother took her and her brother on a surprise holiday her life changed. There she met the boy with the dancing eyes, the jet black hair and the dazzling smile. There, she discovered what love truly was.

now here is the beginning of my first chapter...


The heat of the sun was overwhelming, especially considering my clothes were far from ideal. I looked down at my tight jeans, woolly socks and cotton jumper, then continued to look enviously at my brothers shorts and bare back. Michael caught my glance and smiled at me like only a nine year old could. I smiled lazily back, barely lifting up the corners of my mouth. Then closing my eyes, I imagined I was anywhere but here: On a stupid rowing boat in the middle of the Aegean Sea. To three quarters of the population this would have been paradise; clear blue waters, sandy beaches and a blistering heat. But not for me, I often thought of the worst possible scenarios; a mad dolphin dragging me to the bottom of the sea or maybe something less dramatic, like a coconut falling on my head. With these thoughts still circling in my mind, I felt myself jolt forward. Panicking, I gripped the sides of the rowing boat and looked over the side to see what had nearly tipped us over. And that’s when I saw sand. Pale white fluffy sand. I automatically reached out to touch it, scooping it up in my palm. It was warm from the sun and felt as soft and as smooth as it looked, I savoured the feeling it brought. And then I heard Michael’s high voice ruin my first peaceful moment in days.
“This place is amazing!” Michael shouted as he jumped off the boat onto the beach. I rolled up my jeans and was about to step out the boat too when I heard a noise coming from the trees. Michael must of heard it too because he started walking towards them
“Hello?” Michael yelled, crouching to try and peer through the mass of green leaves. There was no reply. Michael shrugged his shoulders as he walked towards us, signalling that he hadn’t heard anything either.
“The man showing us to the villa is supposed to be meeting us here in a minute, so that might be him,” Mum suggested. Ah yes, I’d forgotten there would be other people on the island.
“So how many people live here then?” I asked, stepping out the boat carefully.
“The man who owned the villa said there’s only a small village… and that we’d probably be the only tourists,” Mum revealed slowly.
“But we don’t speak a word of Turkish or Greek!” Michael moaned. I had to agree with him, we were on an island with a bunch of people we couldn’t even talk to.
Mum ignored him while her eyes wondered right, “I think that’s him over there!” She pointed over to a small figure coming towards us.
Michael started to jump and wave at the man and sure enough, the man waved back. I could start to see him better now; he was quite large with a balding head and thick black moustache. By the time he was in speaking distance Michael had stopped jumping and was sitting on the sand.
“Hi, we’re the Coley’s,” Mum said, reaching out her hand.
“Ah yes, I’m Mehmet,” He smiled, shaking her hand and doing the same to me and Michael. He had very big strong hands; they reminded me of Dad’s. I felt my heart sink. Even thinking of Dad made me want to cry a thousand tears.
“And your names?” Mehmet asked, a big smile set on his face.
“Oh sorry, I’m Sandra, but you can call me sandy,” Mum said. I hated when she asked people to call her Sandy because no one ever did.
“Sandy,” Mehmet repeated then laughed, “Like the beach, yes?”
Mum laughed at his bad joke, Michael and I cringed.
“And you two?” Mehmet pointed to us.
“I’m Mike, and she’s my older sister Alex,” Michael revealed.
“Alex? You’re a boy?” Mehmet laughed; another bad joke. He was reminding me more and more of dad and I couldn’t keep the grimace of my face.
“Short for Alexandra actually,” I said stiffly.
“I’m cold!” Michael announced quickly, so Mehmet might not notice my rudeness, I made a mental note to thank him later.
“Let’s go then!” Mehmet urged.


By the time we reached the villa it was pitch black, and we had resorted to using our torch to navigate through the dark. After seeing us to the door, Mehmet had left us to unpack.
“I’m going to bed mum,” I said as I made my way up the stairs with my bag.
“Are you feeling alright darling?” I heard mums voice echo from the kitchen.
“I’m just tired!” I replied, trying to sound as sleepy as possible.
“Boring old women!” Michael taunted from the living room. I wasn’t in the mood to deal with him so I carried on upstairs to my bedroom

I enjoyed this--it's a promising start! I think you should definitely continue (and come back to edit and tidy your grammar later)--at least, that's what usually works best for me when I'm working on a story or a novel. That way, I keep the flow and the energy of the story going. When I get stuck for what I want to write next--that's when I go back and start cleaning up and editing my previous stuff. As a bonus, working with what I've written earlier often helps the ideas to start flowing.

Some of the stuff I really like here:

1) the characters. Michael in particular has a lot of personality and is bursting out of the page. I also liked Alex's characterization in the opening paragraph--the way she often imagines the worst scenarios tells us a lot about her state of mind.

2) you have an interesting setup, with the family, and the main character who has just lost her father--this will help sustain the story and give it depth.

3) the setting. It's intriguing, and full of exciting potential for new experiences and discoveries. Have you been to that region?

I think my main suggestions would be (if not for now, then for when you're going back to edit):

1) I really wanted a stronger sense of where we were. You mentioned the Aegean, but which island--is it in Greece or Turkey (Michael alludes to both, re language), or somewhere in which there are people of both backgrounds?

2) I also wasn't clear on why their first arrival (or so I assume, from the context) was by rowboat? From what I've seen of the islands between Greece and Turkey, most of them would be difficult to row to, wouldn't they? Why would they choose to arrive by rowboat? And if they did, wouldn't they be tired, from rowing under the hot sun (plus the hassle of unloading their bags and so on would probably bear mentioning)?

3) I don't know that I think of sand as "fluffy". I think you also used smooth, which works better for me, so maybe playing up on that kind of visual texture?

4) Her sense of her body, her movements and her clothing did feel a little artificial. You may be able to work it in more naturally (Something like: "I threw an envious glance at my brother's shorts and bare back. Under the hot sun, the reasons for wearing wooly socks, jeans and a jumper seemed less pressing than they had been this morning." Or better yet, give us at least a hint of those reasons--otherwise, her choice of clothing seems puzzling).

6) I hope you continue with this--it promises to be a good read! The above suggestions are for later (unless you're stuck right now, and want to go back and rework it)--they're all minor and easy to fix.

Good luck with it!

2008-08-25 14:57:40 by Alison L

:31 AM what I have to say about SWEET PEA, BE ENCHANTED, COUNTRY CHIC,SEA ISLAND COTTON, SOCKS, AND A FEW SANITIZERS. ... webcam "bath and ...

The heat of the sun was overwhelming, especially considering my clothes were far from ideal. I looked down at my tight jeans, woolly socks and cotton jumper, then continued to look enviously at my brothers shorts and bare back. Michael caught my glance and smiled at me like only a nine year old could. I smiled lazily back, barely lifting up the corners of my mouth. Then closing my eyes, I imagined I was anywhere but here: On a stupid rowing boat in the middle of the Aegean Sea. To three quarters of the population this would have been paradise; clear blue waters, sandy beaches and a blistering heat. But not for me, I often thought of the worst possible scenarios; a mad dolphin dragging me to the bottom of the sea or maybe something less dramatic, like a coconut falling on my head. With these thoughts still circling in my mind, I felt myself jolt forward. Panicking, I gripped the sides of the rowing boat and looked over the side to see what had nearly tipped us over. And that’s when I saw sand. Pale white fluffy sand. I automatically reached out to touch it, scooping it up in my palm. It was warm from the sun and felt as soft and as smooth as it looked, I savoured the feeling it brought. And then I heard Michael’s high voice ruin my first peaceful moment in days.
“This place is amazing!” Michael shouted as he jumped off the boat onto the beach. I rolled up my jeans and was about to step out the boat too when I heard a noise coming from the trees. Michael must of heard it too because he started walking towards the them
“Hello?” Michael yelled, crouching to try and peer through the mass of green leaves. There was no reply. Michael shrugged his shoulders as he walked towards us, signalling that he hadn’t heard anything either.
“The man showing us to the villa is supposed to be meeting us here in a minute, so that might be him,” Mum suggested. Ah yes, I’d forgotten there would be other people on the island.
“So how many people live here then?” I asked, stepping out the boat carefully.
“The man who owned the villa said there’s only a small village… and that we’d probably be the only tourists,” Mum revealed slowly.
“But we don’t speak a word of Turkish or Greek!” Michael moaned. I had to agree with him, we were on an island with a bunch of people we couldn’t even talk to.
Mum ignored him while her eyes wondered right, “I think that’s him over there!” She pointed over to a small figure coming towards us.
Michael started to jump and wave at the man and sure enough, the man waved back. I could start to see him better now; he was quite large with a balding head and thick black moustache. By the time he was in speaking distance Michael had stopped jumping and was sitting on the sand.
“Hi, we’re the Coley’s,” Mum said, reaching out her hand.
“Ah yes, I’m Mehmet,” He smiled, shaking her hand and doing the same to me and Michael. He had very big strong hands; they reminded me of Dad’s. I felt my heart sink. Even thinking of Dad made me want to cry a thousand tears.
“And your names?” Mehmet asked, a big smile set on his face.
“Oh sorry, I’m Sandra, but you can call me sandy,” Mum said. I hated when she asked people to call her Sandy because no one ever did.
“Sandy,” Mehmet repeated then laughed, “Like the beach, yes?”
Mum laughed at his bad joke, Michael and I cringed.
“And you two?” Mehmet pointed to us.
“I’m Mike, and she’s my older sister Alex,” Michael revealed.
“Alex? You’re a boy?” Mehmet laughed; another bad joke. He was reminding me more and more of dad and I couldn’t keep the grimace of my face.
“Short for Alexandra actually,” I said stiffly.
“I’m cold!” Michael announced quickly, so Mehmet might not notice my rudeness, I made a mental note to thank him later.
“Let’s go then!” Mehmet urged.


By the time we reached the villa it was pitch black, and we had resorted to using our torch to navigate through the dark. After seeing us to the door, Mehmet had left us to unpack.
“I’m going to bed mum,” I said as I made my way up the stairs with my bag.
“Are you feeling alright darling?” I heard mums voice echo from the kitchen.
“I’m just tired!” I replied, trying to sound as sleepy as possible.
“Boring old women!” Michael taunted from the living room. I wasn’t in the mood to deal with him so I carried on upstairs to my bedroom

I havent finished this yet! But i just want to see if you would carry on reading, thanks and constructive critisism would be great!
here is a little synopsis of my story:

That summer change my life. For the better? I’ll let you decide.

Alex Coley had experienced love and its consequences. After her father died she never wanted to love somebody so much again. But when her mother took her and her brother on a surprise holiday her life changed. There she met the boy with the dancing eyes, the jet black hair and the dazzling smile. There, she discovered what love truly was.
Oh and im 13!

Well, since you asked nicely......(that's code for 'don't look if you can't handle the truth')

Description is great, but you describe way too much. It's boring. VERY boring. You'll find that most readers don't care what your characters are wearing or what color their hair and eyes are.

You may be thinking, "Wait, my English teacher said the exact opposite." My English teacher did the same thing. The thing is, they're lying to you. Yup, your teacher is trying to screw you over. A little description goes a long way.

I want you to cut out most (or all) of the adverbs in this piece of writing. As Stephen King put it, "The road to Hell is paved with adverbs."

Jet black hair, dazzling smile, pitch black. These are what writers like to call cliches. If you don't know what cliches are, look the term up. Avoid them. Cliches are pure evil.


Your Enlish teacher also probably told you that you shouldn't use the word 'said' after dialogue. That you should you fun, colorful words (like moaned, questioned, mentioned, etc.) instead. Again, don't believe her. 'Said' is the best word to use after dialogue. It helps a story flow well.

I know I must have just ripped your heart out. Well, get used to it. That's being an author for you. And if it makes you feel better, this is really good for a 13 year old. Keep writing!

2008-08-25 14:29:34 by Alison L

All Panthrella's yarns are checked for quality prior to knitting and are monitored throughout the process to insure that they can withstand tension and stretch.
The toes of all Pantherella socks are hand linked to produce an exceptionally smooth and comfortable join.
Pantherella have been making socks in England since 1937 and their socks have earned the reputation of being the best in the world.

I have a mild case of eczema. When they are in water for more then 2 minutes they get really dry. As of now I put Gold Bond Ultimate Healing Skin Therapy Lotion on them and use Cotton Gloves. But even that is starting not to work. The skin around my finger nails is peeling away. My nails grow like crazy and if I don't cut them they drive me crazy. Its all due to the eczema. It's been about a year since I've had itchy hands. I use to itch them so bad that they would bleed and get blisters. I've also been getting the eczema on my feet in the past year. That really bothers me. I always took my socks off at bed time, but now I have to wear socks 24/7 my feel are so bad, they are always dried out. I just don't know what to do. I just moved to Okinawa Japan (my husband is in the Air Force). For those of you who don't know, its an Island. So I'll be in the water a lot and I'm worried that my hands and feet will get worse. HELP!!!!

You cannot go and see a doctor up there? I would try baby lotion, or something that obsorbs well. My sister used a lotion called cetaphor or something like that, her dermatologist said she should use it. She has eczema really bad on her arms and legs. But I would highly recommend that if you are in the water don't stay in there to long, especially if it is salt water, this will dry it out more. Regular, cool water should be soothing if you have eczema, but don't stay in it to long. That lotion really worked for my sister.

If you are in a climate that is more humid than that can also help with the flare ups.

You can try something called "wet wraps". This is a treatment for eczema. Wet wraps are often made from articles of clothing that have been soaked in water.
Apply wet wraps to skin after soaking and sealing, and after applying any topical medicine. The wraps help keep skin moist and increase absorption of medicine. They also have a cooling effect. Re-wet or take the wraps off when they start to dry out.


Hope this helps. I know you said that when it gets wet it makes it worse, but this is a normal treatment, and you can get medicine to help with the rash.

I to have mild eczema on my upper arms. Sometimes it can itch like crazy but its gotten better since I have been paying attention to it.

Good Luck!

2006-06-05 20:41:17 by dohm84

The toes of all Pantherella socks are hand linked to produce an exceptionally smooth and comfortable join.
Pantherella socks have reinforced toes and plain foot bottom for added comfort.
Pantherella have been making socks in England since 1937 and their socks have earned the reputation of being the best in the world.

I have a mild case of eczema. When they are in water for more then 2 minutes they get really dry. As of now I put Gold Bond Ultimate Healing Skin Therapy Lotion on them and use Cotton Gloves. But even that is starting not to work. The skin around my finger nails is peeling away. My nails grow like crazy and if I don't cut them they drive me crazy. Its all due to the eczema. It's been about a year since I've had itchy hands. I use to itch them so bad that they would bleed and get blisters. I've also been getting the eczema on my feet in the past year. That really bothers me. I always took my socks off at bed time, but now I have to wear socks 24/7 my feel are so bad, they are always dried out. I just don't know what to do. I just moved to Okinawa Japan (my husband is in the Air Force). For those of you who don't know, its an Island. So I'll be in the water a lot and I'm worried that my hands and feet will get worse. HELP!!!!

I wish I could give you product names, but your best choice, living out of country and all, is a zinc ointment, something from a tube, which can't hurt you and most probably will help your situation radically right away. Hopefully so anyway. Then check with your husband's medical facilities at the hospital there in Okinawa--where they are sure to have skin specialists that can help your condition.

2006-06-05 20:39:50 by dohm84