Cotton Mansion Bed

A young guy bought himself a shiny new motorcycle covered with nickels and bright chrome.
He asked the salesman,
�what can I do to protect it from rust?� the salesman replied �when it starts to rain, immediately put petroleum jelly on all the shiny parts�.

Soon after, his girlfriend invited him for a big family gathering at her parent�s house.

On the day of the event, he parked his new motorcycle outside and went in to see that there were over 80 guests at the table.
The girl�s father explained to him that �in our house, there is a custom; the one who says the first word after the food has to wash all the dishes.�

The moment everyone finished eating, there was complete silence. For two hours no one said a word. Finally, the boy had enough; he moved some dishes aside, laid his girlfriend on the table and banged her in front of everyone.
No one said a word.
Another half hour passes, the boy takes the girl�s mother and does the same thing to her. Again, no one dares to speak. Suddenly it begins to rain so the boy pulls out the petroleum jelly out of his pocket.
Seeing that, the girl�s father said:

�you won,

I�ll do the dishes�.





An absolutely stunning 23 year old girl desparately wanted to be rich.....but she certainly didn't want to have to work. She didn't like the thought of marrying a rich guy, because it would only put a damper on all her party action. After a lot of thought, she decided her best bet was to marry some really old rich guy so that her departure from the party scene would be brief. After a good deal of searching, she set her sights on a west Texas oilman/rancher who was pushing 90 years of age.

After wooing the man with all she had, they were married. He flew her to Manhattan for the honeymoon, taking her to the fanciest suite in the best hotel in town. After getting to their rooms, the old man wandered into the bathroom. The girl draped herself in the sexiest teddy she had and stretched out on the bed thinking how after only one night, she was bound to be a very rich widow. Presently the old man walked out of the bathroom sporting the most enormous erection the girl had ever seen, and it was sheathed in a condom. The old man had wads of cotton stuffed in both ears and a clothespin on his nose. Jumping off the bed, the girl asked "Why the hell do you look like that?".....

The old man chuckled and said "Darlin',

there are two things in this world that I just can't stand.....

the sound of a woman screaming and the smell of burning rubber".




A secretary for a foreign embassy was entertaining a wealthy foreign ambassador during lunch at a very expensive restaurant in uptown New York.

The ambassador was so enthralled by the beauty and presence of this secretary that he asked her to marry him. The secretary was startled, but remembered that her boss told her never to insult foreign dignitaries, so she decided to let him down easy.

"I'll only marry you under three conditions."

"Anything, anything," said the ambassador.

"First, you must buy me a 14-karat gold wedding band with a 72 carat diamond, along with a 28 inch studded matching necklace for our engagement."

Without hesitation, the ambassador picked up his cellular phone, called his personal accountant, told him the instructions, and said, "Yes, yes, I buy, I buy!"

The secretary thought that her first request was too easy, so she thought of a more difficult situation.

"Second, I want you to build me a 58-acre mansion in the richest part of the Poconos along with a 40 acre summer home in the sweetest vineyards of France."

The ambassador picked up his phone, called his personal broker in New York, then called another broker in France, and after his quick conversation, he said, "Yes, yes, I build, I build!"

The secretary was very startled, and knew she must think of a final request that would be impossible to live up to.

"Finally," she said. "I'll only marry you if you have a 10 inch penis."

A sad face befell the ambassador, and he cupped his face in his hands.

After weeping in his native language for a few minutes, the ambassador slowly lifted his head and said,

"Ok, ok, I cut, I cut!"


A young guy drops off his girlfriend at her home after being out together on a date. When they reach the front door he leans up against the house with one hand and says to her, "How about a blowjob?"

"What! Are you crazy!"

"Don't worry, it will be quick," he ensures his girlfriend.

"No! Someone might see us..."

"It's just a small blowjob," he insists, "and I know you like it."

"No! I said no!"

"Baby... don't be like that."

"Come on baby pleeeeaassseee"

"I'm not going to give you a blow job"

"Why Not...baby it will be quick I promise?"

Suddenly, the girl's younger sister shows up at the door in her nightgown, with her hair a mess, and rubbing her eyes. She looks at them and smirks,

"Dad says to tell your boyfriend

ha ha ha they are the best jokes i have heard fir ages you are a star...lol

2009-10-03 01:01:46 by Trevien